Zodiac Resolutions for 2013

Happy New Year! Since I know that you can’t manage your life without my guidance, I’m telling you what your 2013 resolutions are by astrological sign.

Aries: men- get to the gym & burn off that extra testosterone
women- get to the gym & burn off that extra testosterone
Taurus: Lighten up, put on some Hootie & the Blowfish & dance as if noone is watching. Hopefully, someone is watching & filming though so we can make fun of your ass on You Tube.
Gemini: Make 1 decision this year & actually stick to it. Of course, it will take you 6 months to decide which decision to make.
Cancer: Broaden your horizons..accept 2 social invites a month & actually leave your house.That is assuming that anyone still invites you out.
Leo: Look in mirror & say some affirmations, then go to your Throne & purge that 5 lbs you gained over the Holidays, repeat affirmations.
Virgo: Cut back on your spending this year. Start by firing the maid...we all know you clean the house before she arrives anyway.
Libra: Clean out your closets. Donate your High School/College wardrobe. News Flash: you will NEVER fit in those clothes again & no one wants to see you in that ugly dated shit anyway.
Scorpio: Do the World a favor & stop spreading disease. Keep your pecker in your pants or your muffin in its basket once in awhile. The Center for Disease Control thanks you.
Sagittarius: For an hour a day, practice being silent. Consider it a well-deserved meditation for all of us.
Capricorn: Stop working & take a Vacation with your family...unplug all gadgets & actually connect w/loved ones. Yes, this will take hours of therapy...
Aquarius: For 5 minutes a day, think of others before thinking of yourself..o.k...aim for 1 minute.
Pisces: Get back to your AA,NA,OA,SAA meetings..we’ve all missed those delicious cookies you bring.

Taurus time!

We are in the sign of Taurus. Make sure you watch this video to learn my wisdom on the sign of Taurus.

Become a Fan of Mine on Facebook!

Esther Randolph, World Renowned Psychic on Facebook

What Have I Done? Why Start a Blog?

I am Esther Randolph, World Renowned Psychic. Due to my popularity, I was talked into starting a blog, however, I don't really like expressing my opinion for free. I guess that I will start putting horoscopes on my blog because I am told that is "What the people want". I don't like people so why should I care? And, again, I usually make $75.00 per party and I get to drink all of the host's alcohol for free! The last party I worked was for a group of teenagers on Halloween. It was horrendous! Teenagers are dirty little creatures who think they're smart and funny. I didn't sacrifice any teenagers that night, but I did tell them that their fortune said, "They were all VIRGINS and that they were doomed to stay that way, forever!!" One teenage girl who was dressed like some Bitch Vampire from "Twilight" started crying when I read her tarot cards and I told her, 'There was Death in her future!" She called her Mom to come pick her up from the party early because some Witch was being mean to her! I am not a Witch! I am a Psychic and there's a big Fucking difference, O.K.?! If I was really a Witch, I would have put a Damn Curse on that teenage Bitch and all of her acne-ridden friends!!!!! By the way, I am also available for Children's parties. Thank you...

WELCOME TO THE ALL NEW BLOGSITE FOR ESTHER RANDOLPH, WORLD RENOWNED PSYCHIC!!

Hello,

I am Esther Randolph, World Renowned Psychic. You found me so now your life can begin. Good for you! Any astrological advice you need, you will find here so stop looking elsewhere. That's all for now. I'll be back soon to share my wisdom with you.